Sometimes I do wonder
Saturday, April 25, 2009 @ 12:31 PM
Sometimes I really think what happened in the past.Whenever they had something on, like having some relationship problems with their friends/boyfs/girlfs/problems, they will always come and find me to tell me their sorrows. However, when everything is solved, they'll dump me away because of them. The same people, cycle revolves around me. So what we grew up together? So what I treated them as my good friends?It's like... isn't appreciated at all.
Whenever they gave me a call, I'll always make it for. Even it's so minor like going to the void deck just to play cards or opening the gate for them. Or even meeting them at the MRT station. What do I get from them? Nothing, just silent air. It's so difficult and tough for me to cling on these friendships, because coming to think about it, I'm the one who gave in the most all of the friendships. Of course, not saying that everything I'll get a return since this isn't a transaction. The saddest part is that.. my effort isn't recognised. Not even mentioning about my presence.
Whenever I see them, I'll think of them abandoning me. Like I'm a petrol kiosk; people will only visit me when they're shortage of petroleum. It's the same reason, I'm just a resting stop. Initially, I was still positive to think that they'll remember me when they're into trouble. However, this idea had totally lose its effectiveness. I began to feel sick and tired about all these nonsense that I'm been deceiving myself. I thought friends are supposed to be there for you to share your sorrows and happiness? Turn out to be... I'm just a rubbish bin.
When I'm typing about these, tears began to flow. Thinking about how happy they are with their boyfs/girlfs/friends, have they thought that actually... I'm waiting for them to pick me up again? I didn't abandon them, for sure. I was waiting for them till they remember me. I'm like a small kid, who played hide-and-seek with the little kids. Even the game is over, no one remember that I existed/ still hiding. I can't smile anymore,no longer. Especially looking at them, I can't even bring myself to smile. Reason is very simple; I'm too heart-broken.
Wondering around Singapore is the only thing I can do, in order to make me to forget those unhappy things. But will this drug be a long term medication for me?
P.S No comments.
